Falling in Love with Fictional Ghosts
I’ve been working on my ghost story for a while now. Like, a long while. Longer than I worked on Summer of 1984 or 1966 Forever. Class of 1983 took me ten years to write, so I’m still a long way off it taking that long at least!
I’ve gone through so many phases and stages with this book, like I think all us writers and creatives do with our projects.
Like all relationships creative projects have their highs and lows.
There’s the first meeting, the excitement of a potential new love affair, the first few dates, the first time you get intimate with each other and that realization that you want this to really go somewhere.
And then you hang out, go to the mall, go to movies and parties together, you spend time with mutual friends, and it starts to feel… not so exciting anymore, but you’re in love, so you fall into a rhythm and you go with it, because it feels so damn good!
Some relationships are easy, you know where you stand, you know how to ask for what you want, you can just be yourself and get comfy in your sweatpants and hang out all day every day and it’s all good. You never question if you want to be somewhere else, you know you’re in it for the long haul.
Then there are relationships/creative projects that challenge us, that make us question ourselves, who we are, what we want, why we’re doing it.
I’ve been through a tough relationship with this ghost story. I didn’t fall hard and fast for it like I did with the Santolsa Saga, it was more like a casual fling at first. We’d hang out for a bit, then go our separate ways for a while, then I’d get a message – WYD? (This is what the kids are saying these days, right? What You Doing?) and I’d be like – oh, not much, k, let’s hang.
And then I’d just ghost my ghost story for a while, or tell we should go on a break. I needed my space, time to think about how I really felt, if this was the right relationship/project for me.
And then something interesting happened.
I sweated and teared into the last round of making-this-readable edits, still not really sure if it was any good or how invested I was, and then returned to the beginning of the book for another round of edits and found myself absolutely head over heels in love.
I know I’m in love when you can sit and edit all day and actually enjoy it. This isn’t usually my favourite part of the process!
I’m enjoying making my protagonist a little less obnoxious (she still is a bit, I mean, theatre kids. I was one so I know. They are all at least 10% obnoxious), and in the process I’ve developed a real soft spot for her. She’s a total mess, but aren’t we all? And the love interests, oh my ghost, so much angst I can’t even.
So, what’s the point of this mega essay that maybe two people will read to the end?
Don’t give up on a relationship or a creative project just because it’s hard. Sometimes it takes time to fall madly deeply in love.
But also, you know, pay attention to the red flags your lovers and projects give you, they’re not all worth hanging onto.
But those ones that keep drawing you back in? Maybe give them a chance.
With love,
Victoria
xo